I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
