mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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