He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
