I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
