:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
