so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
