y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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