Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
