Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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