Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
