super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
