garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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