i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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