Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
