omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
