I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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