I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
