i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
