Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
