I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
