you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
