Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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