In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
