so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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