peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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