is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
