take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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