Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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