Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
