just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
