I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
