she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
