Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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