I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
