we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
