We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
