I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
