did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
