corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
