There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Two words: nipple clamps
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