I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
