So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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