If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
