If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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