fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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