I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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