Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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