Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
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