She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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