The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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