My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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